I was trying too hard to be someone I am not, this is my blog, with my thoughts, ideas and some really good things I have been upto, join in.
I have to go down the drain
For you to light the sun
I have to swim across the bay
For you to bring out the canoe
I have to reach for the stars
For you to look up the sky
I have to read a dictionary
For you to understand my words
when you’re gone,
I will shine without the cloud of you.
The marketeer in me knew this is the topic to write about at this time of the year. Over a period of time, New year resolutions became just a thing we discuss or make fun of, like asking someone over weight if they are losing weight or is someone quitting to smoke and things like that, but what more?
I want to take a step ahead and actually do it this year. I’ve realised I am too much into technology and I actually use it quite effectively for a lot of my work, why not for my new year resolutions as well then. I’ve downloaded this app called productive which lets me add few habits that I want to follow.
That was the first step, I don’t need major resolutions, I just need to change a few habits and things will automatically fall in place. The idea was to first realise what is that one thing I really wanted to improve and without thinking much I realised health and fitness has to be the first thing.
The secomd step was to identify which habits of mine are linked towards better health and fitness which made me come up with the following :
1. Sleep by 11
2. Run 150Kms
3. Stop biting your nails
4. Drink more water
5. Don’t eat junk food.
These are the habits I am going to concentrate on and the beauty of productive is that it lets you mark and follow your habits as you’d like it.
For eg: 150kms comes to roughly 3Kms a week, so I’ve set yeh target of running 3KMs a week and it will stay updated on my list through out the week. I can finish it anytime I want and just swipe right to mark it is done.
In a similar fashion, sleeping early through the week is fine as I have to get up and work and stress myself out, however, the app lets me skip Friday and Saturday night where I would mostly have my plans to stay up late and maybe have a good time with my friends.
Additionally, drinking water is something I am to do multiple times a day, so the app lets you have that options and pops up a reminder notification as well if you’ve not finished the task by the mentioned time.
I am planning on following this and the last habit on my list is to keep updating about my habits. I hope in the first week of February I’ll be able to provide you a screenshot of my achievement, till then Happy New Year!
The good news is, “Suits” is back and back with an episode I wish I hadn’t seen. If you are a fan of the show then you know who Harvey Spectre is and if you don’t then the following few paragraphs might not make sense to you.
The first episode, as my current state of mind is appropriately named “Denial”, the state Harvey is when his long time secretary and probably the only girl he truly loved and cared about, Donna, decides to leave him and work for Louis and Harvey is yet to come on terms with that fact.
Panic attacks, the guy who makes billionaires shit in their pants with just his words and brilliance of mind gets panic attacks over Donna. If you’ve seen the show, you know Donna is everything any man would ever want and the only guy she wants said he loves her and that’s that, he isn’t gonna do anything about it and that’s fucking that. He is in utter denial that she’ll ever leave him and with my current state of mind, ‘Denial’ is probably playing a pivotal role although, if it was up to me, I’d fucking stab the feeling in the heart with a dagger made of fossilised shit to simply get rid of it. That feeling when she really leaves you, gives you panic attacks which I myself just realised after watching the first episode of the latest season and realising I am in denial myself. Harvey had more than 10years with this lady being besides her through thick and thin and taking care of all of her needs in a manner only she could have.
I had that.
He did everything possible to keep her happy and when she was in real big trouble he asked her to trust him and got her out of it.
I did that every time when it was in my hands.
I am no Harvey spectre, but like him atleast in this stage of my life I seem to have it all, at least enough for me to not complain about it. But that one person, whom you trust your life with, whom you’ve actually taken for granted and that too for good, who’s never moved an inch away from you because you were that Harvey-Donna has decided to move on and that’s going to fee just that.
4 episodes down and Harvey goes and thanks Donna for the 12years she gave him. Because he realised she did that without ever complaining one bit and decided to probably move on. I am not the story writer for “Suits” to know if they are ever getting back together but this has helped me reflect a lot for my current state of mind.
I took a step which lead her go away and probably lose her mind herself. My intentions were right but my action wasn’t thought through because you never know how is the other person going to feel or react or take things. Newton’s law precisely says, ‘every action is going to have an opposite and equal reaction’, however, the equal part only applies to physics. If Newton had been a psychologist then I am pretty sure he’d skip the equal part and just stick to the opposite reaction and give you some other wise word advice.
Coming back to my story line, I’ve realised my actions caused the reaction and got me in the soup I am currently a part of and that’s going to remain as afact which after n number of attempts I’ve concluded, it isn’t gonna change.
And that’s that for tonight.
No, this isn’t an adrenaline juiced up post on how it’s amazing to be living off the edge. This is rather going to be a bit opposite of it and you might not really feel nice after reading it but then again nobody likes to face reality and that is exactly what the post will be about.
Leaving someone at the edge, human mind is capable of influencing someone or so many that when influence turns manipulation and it indeed reaches a point of level where the influenced or the manipulated human loses his or her sense of thought process and only feeds on what their influencer or manipulator says. We see this commonly in politics but then it also happens to some of us in real life.
We will never know if we are an influencer or the ones getting influenced because at every different point of our lives there enter certain individuals who take up roles and share their minds and leave us hanging with a feeling that keeps saying “I want more” or “I am not hearing that shit again”.
We’ll try and divulge a bit on the “I want more” kind of people because those are the kind of people who ‘Leave us at the edge’.
At a dilemma where we don’t know if we should jump or not and we wait for a sign but it never comes, we enter a space of thought and words and sweet nothings shared by that one person who we believe matters the most to us and they feel the same way about us, but then when they leave us at the edge, they aren’t around to tell us, to influence our thoughts no more, to make us believe that they our our guiding light to that happy place which we beleived to have designed with them together is when we realise that this is it. They left us at the edge, where we don’t know if jumping is the right way or heading back to some place else is safe.
Time stops in that moment, a moment is supposed to last 90seconds but this one will feel like eternity, suddenly theory of relativity starts making a lot of sense and we realise that this shit actually happens. We are left at the edge to make a decision about something we have no clarity over. We are left to begin with nothing because what can happen after we’ve been left at the edge. We have the urge to jump into the void of our pain where our mind is engulfed with the nothingness of that one person who was always there to influence us. It suddenly makes us realise we are not so independent as we believe and these pending decisions were never ours to take despite it being our very own.
We were living off the edge and now we are just leaving at the edge in the nuisance of the silence as our phone rings no more. The influencer has left us without anymore of their influence to feed upon and that’s when we somewhere down the line let reality hit our face and accept bitterly, this moment is going to last for a very long time and it’s going to take everything from us without letting us know what will get in return.
We will live at the edge till then.
“Give me some sunshine, give me some rain, give me another chance, I wanna grow up once again”
Ever since this song from the movie ‘3 Idiots’ has entered our life we’ve all come to terms on one ugly truth about growing up. It sucks, but that’s not the point I am trying to make.
If you think of it, the reason this song begins with two really important words “give me” is because we unknowingly live by it. We need both intangible and tangible things so very much that solitude is just not our thing. Our entire life is spent in decoding ways to get what we need and crib on everything we don’t get when we want.
Childhood as the singer rightly demands for in this song is something just not possible to get back for any human till today. It just went by without even a warning that one day it will be over and we won’t get it back. It’s these intangible things that create the biggest ruckus in our lives where sometimes the disappointment of not getting something can also lead to losing our self in a similar manner as the song ends.
No, this isn’t a suicidal post of how traumatic my life is and I am going to end it, rather its a mere thought I had while I was listening to this song and let is unknownigly reflect on my life and probably on everyone else’s as well.
Love is the foremost intangible asset our entire lives are spent trying to achieve. It’s not just getting from our partners but maybe friends or family or even a cat. Getting love is hard despite its river like nature of mostly flowing as it finds space. But is just love enough to be satisfied? I am sure it’s not because love doesn’t just happen, love needs to be made and kept showered upon again and again till eternity or in many people’s care till they find a new one. Love is an empire you need to build from the scratch and take it to new heights everyday. Love is all the streams of educations applied at once. From designing the entire architecture on finance available in hand to marketing it enough for our target audience making sure it’s legal and operationally sound to its optimum efficiency with the right amount of chemistry making it look like a poem painted by an artist sculpting its way inside our heart and relieving us of every pain like a good doctor does.
Give love in every way and give love to put the other person out of their misery. Stay invested as this is the only intangible stock which will give you dividends for a lifetime.
Don’t let that special person ever sing the song that ends with suicide because you were the reason behind it.
Go say I love you to that special someone now.
There is a very clichéd scene in a typical Bollywood movie where the husband would be abusive or maybe alcoholic or would be hitting his wife and one fine day he’s either Hit by the police or by the Hero of the movie and surprisingly the wife comes in between to stop the people from hitting the same guy who is hitting her everyday.
I am no psychology expert to know why would the lady behave that way or some of you might have seen the same towards animals where a dog still goes back to the abusive master who keeps hitting him every now and then. These are extreme cases and they do not occur in everyone’s life but perhaps we each have our own abuse that we are okay to accept and probably used to and in reality cannot actually do without.
I’ve at least noticed in my life that certain things are just not perfect but no matter however they are there is a part of me that still likes it to be that way. Maybe it’s something the devil that resides inside me feels comfort with or maybe what’s chaos for someone is the calm for me. Maybe we like this chaos so much that at times or most of it is just not chaos and is actually the way to life.
I recently got a new louder horn for my car and realised the Horn is no more loud for me, I am so immune to the chaos it probably creates for someone listening to it for the first but for me it’s business as usual. Just lile that when someone describes their life and we start to wonder for what reason are they living this way when they could easily move and be better is maybe because this is something they like and the chaos we see brings peace to them subconsciously.
There is no real reason to write about this chaos that everyone has but maybe there is for you to read and realise that this chaos is an illusion of what might be normal for someone else.
A famous quote sums this up quite well,
What is normal for the Spider is chaos for the fly.
At the beginning of this post we can all agree that heart breaks are the worst. Be it the first time or the 10th. We give our heart to someone and the day they let us down, they give it back and don’t want us anymore, the day it all breaks is when all hell breaks out for an individual. But adding to the injury can only be staying alone.
Relationship is something where you have the person in your life, occupying almost all of your time and you like it. It’s a constant state of trance you are not aware of being in and with technology connecting us 24*7 the trip called “being in love” is just too strong. Break up and you are out of something you don’t want to be, you want love, you want it more but then it’s no more there. Now in a general scenario we have our friends around, our well wishers letting us know they care and supporting us, you can hang out with your friends and they’ll unknowingly help you move on or maybe at least forget the person who left you for the moment you are with them. Staying alone in a city where you have less friends changes the game.
You thank technology when you move into a long distance relationship because it helps you stay connected with them through the he day, but the same inventions haunt you when you are alone and wanting to talk to them but realised you are no more on their list or maybe you’ve been blocked or they’ll read all you send them but you just won’t get a reply.
You cannot do anything, you are helpless, the one person you knew would have the solution to your growing problem is the reason of this pain. You blank out or fill yourself with thoughts which are insane. You want to die because you cannot handle this, the walls of your house start shutting out on you, you cannot get up from your bed because there is no reason to. You check your phone so many times and there is not a single notification form the one you want it from. Life comes to a standstill and the hopelessness creeps into you, sucking every ounce of the sweet reality that once was. You are now the Center of your own world which has shattered around you. You now have a house with four walls and nothing else to fill it in and make it a home. You check your bank balance and wonder why did I move to make money which I have no one to use with. You become philosophical in your own head and realise your thoughts are plain shit because if you are really good at telling people what they should do with their lives then why are you in a mess yourself.
The calm of your sea is overtaken by the typhoon within. You are now just a piece of puzzle that matches with none in the world.
You are alone.
Star Wars is one of those series that haven’t really captured my fantasy and I’ve just managed to 1.5 of the 6 movies. But since the 7th movie is coming out, I really wanna know the gaga behind the force and hence I pledge to see all 6 movies today before the 7th one releases.
Suggestions welcomed to understand the best order one should watch the movie in.
May the force be with you.
I read this amazing explanation on Quora on why “Dogs chase cars”, the simple explanation concludes that most dogs have an instinctive prey approach where they love to chase any object moving away from them. More like they love the chase of catching a prey so much that they will basically chase any damn thing.
Now this amazing fact screams the proof behind the hypothesis “men are dogs”. I’ve never really understood why were we called dogs as an insult cause my idea of a dog is a really cute or hot, furry creature who is loyal and loves licking you and wagging it’s tale. Yes, most men do the same not in the exact manner but somewhere down the same lines. Loyalty is something questionable towards men but not dogs, dogs are awfully loyal. But going back to this sudden mind blowing realisation have you realised how smart the person who coined this frame was.
He or she must be so strong at observation to have realised all men like the chase, it’s our instinct to chase the prey of our liking and retreat once we are done chasing. We just love the chase and coming of age in the 21st century women are moving towards the same ideology as well and I guess it was about time because bitches be chasing every damn thing as well.
With the things that I am typing these days, this blog might just turn into my very own confession page which is good for me as this is the only place who doesn’t have problem of its own and quietly lets me rant.
Our today’s topic is on a very important aspect of any relationship one might have, be it family, love affair, friendship or professional. “Care”, I was always told I care less, and with age I’ve learned that yes I did care less, in honesty I still care a lot less. But then this less caring has made me realise how important caring is and now if you are reading this, you have the opportunity to not make the same mistakes I made by not caring.
Caring is simple, my friend Vidhi Shah despite telling her that I don’t care she tripped because of which she failed to read my messages and for which I asked her to leave me alone and not talk, did not really back away and cared to make me smile by sending a picture of me having a poorly drawn cigar in my mouth which clearly looks like a dick. It’s actually that simple.
We all have problems and most of us cannot really solve someone else’s problem, but what we can surely do is stormer care for them. Call and ask how they are, let them know you are proud of them, congratulate on their success, empathise on their loss, care to call back, these are just few of the things that I’ve missed on doing a billion times and now I am mostly on the receiving end of the same.
Tomorrow start with caring for someone you can easily care for. Just forcefully do it once and see the change it brings for you. Karma as we all say is a bitch, and one thing I’ve learned through my experience is to never mess with someone who’s a known Bitch. Bitch be bitin’
Below is the picture I was talking about, it’s a dick which is supposed to be a cigar.
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It's a place where castles are built and destroyed, where the fortress of imagination is guarded by fire breathing dragons and after every storm there is a rainbow.
The grass is only marginally greener on this side. Sort of jaded.
Let it be. 